Shit Jake Max Says

Alright, Jake. You’ve left me with no choice. Should have just written a damn post. Readers, here’s a list of quotes from your very own maxcommajake—100% verbatim.

“That’s the noise I’d make if I was getting bukkaked.”

“It’s all about the condiments.”

“Dude, V-necks are in.”

“Dude, bowling food is bad except for those cinnamon pretzel things."

“Dude, that’s a sweet clock."

“Dude, I hate cutting, I just like geometry.”

“Dude, I am SO good at sewing, you don’t even understand.”

“Dude, I saw Alex Marion in the locker room—not to be gay—but he’s fucking ripped.”

“You gotta go with the Hawaiian pizza.”

“You gotta go to footlocker, they have like 18 varieties of laces.”

“People would find me more attractive if my ears were symmetrical.”

“If you play a slow song and it’s not Collide, I’ll cry.”

“So apparently we have 21 viewers from Latvia.”

“I’ve been playing Skyrim nonstop since I called you. I’m about to murder the emperor.”

“I’m failing big time. I did get my Smithing up to 70 though.”

“I fucked up…it smells so bad!!!!”

"Sue me."