Insomnia

            Not being able to fall asleep is one of the most frustrating feelings I’ve ever experienced. It’s 5:08 a.m. right now, and I’m writing a blog post about insomnia in an attempt to aid my own sleeplessness. Although I know this is probably happening to me because of the four-hour nap I took this afternoon, I can’t help but allow a plethora of other explanations flush into my head. Every time I try to lay my head down on the pillow and close my eyes, my brain goes haywire with absurdly random thoughts, as evidenced by my tweet at 4:16 a.m.: “I wonder if anyone has ever died in a snuggie.” My heart begins to race as I realize that I can’t relax my body enough to the point where it realizes I want it to rest. More strange thoughts. When’s the last time I’ve had crab legs? I go downstairs and selfishly snatch my long-haired Chihuahua from her dog bed. Maybe she will calm me down, I reason. Ephemeral relief; next idea. How about music? Getting progressively more agitated. Every song seems to ignite past memories. What. The. Fuck. Wondering why my brain isn’t this active during school. I’m starting to regret watching all of those TED talks. The multiverse, printing organs—too much to think about. Please, God, let me fall asleep before the sun comes out. Air conditioning feels nice. I remember something my science teacher told me about computer and TV screens confusing our brains into thinking it’s still daytime out. Was that…a bird chirping? 5:33 a.m. Some people are waking up for work right now; I haven’t even fallen asleep. Infomercials have ended. Real TV is about to start. 2 people on Facebook Chat. Considering running a few laps around the house. Don’t think I’m that desperate. Yet. Did I change tenses while writing this? How about I put off sleep for today. Can you do that? The one crooked blind on my window is letting me know that the sky is no longer black. Wow, I’m really hungry. When is it OK to eat breakfast?

CONTEST: Fight Night All Night

            So it’s about a week before Christmas, I’m getting antsy.  I’m seeing all of these presents underneath the tree and I’m wondering WHAT COULD BE IN THOSE PRESENTS?  I figure since it’s not that large it had to either be a book, something wrapped in a small case, or a video game.  I knew that in that 3 page list I had made of potential Christmas presents there were only a few games on that list and I was pretty confident which one it was.  (I can’t remember exactly how many or if i knew how to properly spell liaise fair because it was quite some time ago.)  So anyway, my parents say I can open one gift early and I know fo-sho that I’m going for the one that looks like a video game.  So I open it, and unsurprisingly, it’s a video game, Fight Night, the first one I believe but I’m not certain enough to bet my Nerf Gun collection on it.  So anyway, I open the game about a week before Christmas.  I start playing it in the game mode where you do your own career as a boxer.  I named myself purple flash; because if you battled me it was just a flash of purple.  So I’m playing all day every day, and I’m focusing, I want to make every foe I meet remember the name Purple Flash, and I wanted them to suffer by my fist which was wrapped in a boxing glove.  So I’m playing this game and I’m pretty much only stopping to eat, occasionally stopping to fold up some clothes or something like that as well, but I’m not really getting any sleep.  As I’m playing I notice there have been more and more gifts piling up under the tree and I really can’t wait for the big day to come.  I’m so excited I really can’t sleep, I’m just staying up playing Fight Night, punching guys and taking names (Todd very well could be one of those names).

            So anyway, I don’t feel like taking you down a long and winding road because that wouldn’t be kosher, I’m just going to stop telling you what I was doing over those days and let you know; I was up all night every night playing fight night.  So it’s the day of Christmas, about 5:00 A.M. and I’m getting excited, I decide that I want to have the thrill of waking up on Christmas morning so I decide to get up and go to sleep.  So I get out of my chair and I’m about to go to my room when my chair calls for me.  Due to not having slept in almost a week, I pass out almost immediately after standing up.  So I miss Christmas morning, and don’t get to open my presents first, but now that I think of it there’s a serious problem.  I was up pretty much all night right next to the Christmas tree, WHEN DID SANTA COME?

--Patrick