Heyyyyy

This is a guest post by Michael Ginsburg that was originally published in the Spring of 2012:

Have you ever wondered what it meant when a girl adds that extra y on hey, or even two? Well, gentlemen, I’m here to explain that to you.

Extra letters added to words aren’t just how a girl talks to everyone. In fact, I have always ventured to say that they are an extremely flirtatious way of subtly saying, “I’m interested”. Not so subtle anymore, ladies.

If you’re texting or chatting a girl that constantly adds extra letters to her words, take the hint. These aren’t just annoying things that make you want to annunciate hereeeee and carry out the e sound until your lungs can no longer push out air. No, this is the best possible excessive, superfluous, unnecessary usage of letters.

The first, most important thing to look for is how she responds when you say hey. She has a plethora of words to use to respond, so know that she chooses very carefully.

Hello: Why are you talking to me?

Hi: Hi with one I, not a good sign.

Hii: Two I’s is always good, but not quite as good as the double y.

Hey: Friendly conversation.

Heyy: She’s interested.

(If she greets you in some other language, well, forget about it. E.g. Hola, Bonjour, etc..)

As the conversation continues keep your eyes peeled for those extra letters. They may be unintentional, but as she continues to add, your chances go up.

However, one thing you mustn’t do is add your own extra letters.  By now, it should hit you that your conversation last night with that girl wasn’t just a conversation, no. It was tons of extra y’s and e’s and a’s and t’s being thrown at your face pleading you to accept them. And yes, when you are bragging about all the extra letters a girl adds on a conversation, annunciate all of them when reading aloud.

P.S. Smiley faces make me feel like I’m talking to a third grade or my mother. No. No.