Thanks

She lent me a pen—
Thank goodness I asked.
Still, I wish instead,
That she'd offered her flask.
We're sitting in class,
Prof's talking real fast.
Buzzwords coming in hot—
Get shut out by ear wax.
Focus in—perfect shot.
Fault me for being brash?
SPO—
It's a rash.
Can't be thrown in the trash.
Like a virus,
You try to...
Today junior.
Like dry humor?
Parents—
Baby boomers.
Should've told me.
Told me sooner.
That in life,
There's lots of losers.
That for many,
There's no future.
That some wounds,
Cannot be sutured.

Never fear.
No, don't dismay.
I'm not going away.
'Til I hit 100k.
All the tree branches sway,
But, they won't fall today.
For that, you'll need an axe.
Break the earth—
Human tax.
Use it up,
Put it back.
In a landfill—
That's whack.

When I take, though,
I return.
Not the type that likes to burn.
People are all that they earn.
Not in dollars—
Karma,
Learn.
Bernie Sanders—
Who we need.
Hillary, next in line—
Queen.
In this dynasty—
She's clean.
Called "democracy,"
That's mean.
It's in the genes.
If you buy jeans,
Without a logo,
You're unseen.
This is new wave—
Second gen.
Better diagram than Venn.
Feed you daily,
Like a hen.
Darling, thanks.
Take back your pen.

The 100th Post

            It’s hard to believe that this is the 100^th post on Student Parking Only.  Last September when Mark and I were sitting in my kitchen plotting our next venture, we couldn’t have possibly imagined how far it would take us.  What began as a cute plot at revenge against The Postscript quickly became a phenomenon worthy of its own conversation.  As we racked up the page-views, as well as the comments, the hype for the blog continued to grow.

            It’s true that as we moved on to college there were some lapses in writing—posts were less frequent at times, and Mark has seemingly disappeared.  Still, SPO remains dear to my heart, and I hope it does for some of you too.  35,000 views and counting later, here are a few stats from the past year and a half on the blog:

Total Page-Views: 35,833

Comments: 144

5 Most-Viewed Posts:

1.  High School Menes (1064)—a post that called into question the line between humor and malice, this was easily one of our most controversial.

2.  That Time of Year (705)—when Mark asked Isabel to prom, we weren’t the only ones on the edge of our seats.

3.  Sophylis (532)—high school romance at its best.

4.  That Time of Year…Again (447)—my proposition didn’t go over quite as well as Mark’s.

5.  Sex is Sex (437)—the first month of college had me asking lots of questions.

Dollars Earned From Advertisements: $51.93

            Since Student Parking Only’s inception, Mark’s battled subjectivity, and I’ve battled my social incompetence; I’ve shared my favorite TV shows, and Mark’s shared his famous YouTube videos.  J-Hay and Q had their legendary rhetorical brawl, and Elinor defeated Pat in our inaugural story contest by ever so slim a margin.  I bashed my peers for hiding behind the mask of anonymity and preying on sophomore girls.  Mark published all the shit that I say, and asked his future girlfriend to prom.  I wrote half a dozen posts about how nostalgic I was to retire from baseball and leave home and go to college, and then a dozen more about my first year’s experiences.

            All in all, it’s been a long ride.  There have been some great posts, and admittedly a few that are quite lackluster.  Nevertheless, the blog has been the one thing in my life that’s remained constant since the beginning of senior year.  It’s amazing to think that when I write a post, my high school friends, my fraternity brothers, and my grandmother all read it.  So thanks to everyone for all the support.  All I can hope is that you keep reading as long as we have things to say.