Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Summer To-Do List: Adult Edition

            For those of you who read Jake’s PG list of must-do summer activities, you might have been left feeling slightly unsatisfied. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I could stay a kid forever, catching butterflies and shit all day long. Time, however, is like a shark; it can’t stop moving or else it’ll drown or something. I’m a teenager, and I wanna do teenage stuff this summer. So here’s to my fellow teenagers: five activities that you can’t go wrong with.
      1.     Concerts.
I was sort of terrified of concerts for most of my life. I heard my older sisters describing them: massive mobs of people, in suffocating proximity, ebbing with the eardrum-shattering bassline of industrial speakers. It always sounded more like a trial of survival than a fun night. But man, was I wrong. After my first one, I was addicted. It’s a purely invigorating experience. I guess it’s slightly dependent on what kind of concert you go to, but I think no matter what the genre of music, it’s still a great way to spend a few hours.

      2.     Artscape
If you’re from Baltimore and you’ve never been to Artscape, fuck you. Our city hosts the country’s biggest arts festival, and it’s free. The dates are July 20th – 22nd this summer, and it’s gonna be awesome. Walk around the streets of Charm City, check out some bizarre art vendors, buy a massive snocone in a plastic flower goblet, and listen to the free music. So call up some friends, and have your parents drop you off for a solid day of fun. They’re posting the concert lineup next month; be sure to check the website.

      3.     OC
The funny thing about being on the east coast is that everyone freaks the fuck out over beaches. Droves of pedestrians flock to the eastern shore in the summer months to do their best west coast impression, and this makes for an environment majorly conducive to teenage folly. There’s a reason Ocean City is such a prime destination for senior week. The cool part about it is that it’s a relatively short drive for most of us—as in, daytrip material. You can leave in the morning, chill at the beach while the sun is still out, and then gallivant on the boardwalk for hours at night.

      4.     Visit Your Local Dealership
This one is definitely not for everyone, but can be tremendously enjoyable if you’ve got the dedication. Pick out a classy outfit from your closet, and invent your rich playboy/girl persona. Then head over to your local luxury car dealership and pretend that you’re interested in purchasing a new vehicle. Test drive to your heart’s desire.

*Age requirements vary among dealers

      5.     Fine Dining
Nothing quite says ‘adulthood’ like making reservations at an elegant dining establishment. It may cost you a week’s paycheck, but hey, that lobster tastes so much better when you’ve earned it. Ask to borrow your dad's Zagat guide to make your restaurant selection easier. Guys, depending on how OK you are with a solo dinner, you might want to bring a date. And ladies, maybe you can score a free meal.

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